Summary

I was presented with this tonight. I am one lucky, lucky girl.

Friday mayhem in the lab. Difficulties with calibrations all week, in both labs. Rewriting SOP's, so that they reflect current procedures and make scientific sense. Making myself indispensable at work by understanding relationships between solid state NMR, materials science and X-ray crystallography. Involving even more chemists in the overlap between NMR and crystallography using solid state NMR and protein crystallography (I do not know anything about protein work) by looking into X-PLOR. Not my specialty at all...it would be a long, long stretch (this is why I go to yoga) to get me involved in 4-DNMR and protein crystallography (hell, people spend an entire thesis just growing protein crystals) and I am listening to Mr. Brightside and being distracted here. Now we will dance and I will come back to my week.

**********************dancing***************************

The kettle is whistling for its new Denby teapot.

The course plugs along, and I have trouble rationalizing theory in the social sciences and the arts with scientific theory, which often goes on to have some kind of, oh, I don't know, support. Proof even. Theory in the arts and social sciences is just a discussion of your opinion versus mine, and who can argue better. Ultimately, a bore. I suppose it might help, albeit slightly, if we got to the theory bit, but our instructor is all about the standing back and letting us "learn" by social interaction and asking each other questions about a book about medeival civilization (history) rather than finding the grounding theories that hold us together right now, as a global society. Or maybe we'll look at the establishment of the RC church and the Orthodox church and say what? that they establish our societal norms? how so? the glances at Islam that we've had so far are almost irrelevant, and that isn't the case in the world right now. And is it all about religion? Has society not escaped the binds of religious orders and become a secular government? or did I miss something and we're all just muddling along in the same old same old?

Met the teachers of our children yesterday, both lovely people. They think our children are smart and creative, and that we are lucky to have them. (the children) We hasten to agree.

Almost ran out of building nitrogen at work, as part of the Friday Freakout. Something always happens, or threatens to happen, at 3:00 on Friday afternoon. Does God mess with the clock or what?

Hmm. Also, eyes still hurt to move. Hub thinks I should see a physician. Sometimes eyes hurt, sometimes they don't. Allergies maybe? Nah. Brian tumor.

Time marches on, a thousand things happen, and there is no time to record them for posterity. I don't really do that here anyway, record things for posterity that is. I just write things down. People read about them, and then they go and read something else.

My job has been extended, because the person I'm replacing has become pregnant and will embark upon maternity leave in a few months. I am not sure which job she is actually taking maternity leave from, whether it's the one I'm filling now, or her current one. If she's taking a leave from her current (contractual) position, then the job I'm doing should be advertised and permanently filled. If she's taking leave from the job I'm doing, then she should kick me out of the job I'm doing so she can do it, and then take a maternity leave from it.

I suspect she kicked me out of this job for five seconds so she could take maternity leave from this position. I don't know, because when the administrator said, "Do you want to stay for another year? because your predecessor is taking mat leave and we need someone to fill the job, and it's a very difficult job to fill because very few people have the skills to do it..." I said sure! I love this job! no better job in the world for someone with as little ambition as me!

Which is very true. If I were ambitious, this job would suck ass. There is no where to go. There is no way to be promoted. I could take on more responsibilities, but I would still be doing this job...just doing more work with it. I can become an expert in something, but as it is I'm spread pretty thin in the expert department right now....I do have some tricks up my sleeve, and I will probably pursue them, but this is out of my own curiosity as much as trying to keep myself indispensable.

And what will happen in another year? Will she return to this job, or go and do something else? Another year where the facilities languish because I'm not going to give them 110%, and because they can't make real long-range plans that include all staff members (not knowing who the staff member is) ... and what about me? Just because I have no ambition doesn't mean that I like living in limbo. I'd rather actually have a job I can commit to. Or no job. I'd rather have no job, truth be told. Not working is sweeeeet.

Ah! the water is boiling, the tea will be made. I think I will do some mindless knitting...a flat piece that turns into a beautiful little garment, (other people sell it, this was the best link I could find. Plus, mine will not be lumpy.) courtesy of the Fleece Artist...it's something I don't have to look at while I work on it, which is good because for some reason every time I move my eyes they hurt.

GO DEFENSE!

I know, I'm supposed to put up pictures of our marriage blessing and all that, but Hub just got back from five days away at a conference, and during those five days I suffered all the anxiety about how I would ever get everything done....mostly work things, because I was left more or less in charge of one of the facilities, and that's a big deal, and a lot of things can go wrong, and a lot of people have questions, and you can see that if I keep talking about this that I will wind myself right up again. Don't forget that single parenting and working always reminds me of the last year on the east coast, when Hub was here and I was there with the kids and an overwhelming workload. This was obviously the cause of all the anxiety, but even knowing where it comes from doesn't alleviated it. The thing I liked least about the past few days (and the last year on the EC) was the constant adrenaline rush. There was no getting rid of it, it never went away.

Hub got home in the middle of the night, and I hadn't slept well (oh, unlike every other night that I didn't sleep well while he was away) so today I was a mess. Out of adrenaline, exhausted inside but a billion things to do outside. So today dragged, but luckily it was Yummy Thursday in the office and somebody had brought in lots of chocolate cake. I had three pieces.

Seriously. and lunch. and snacks. and juice and two litres of water. still exhausted.

Anyway, I'm also taking an online course, and it's about theory in arts and social sciences. I know that I'm going to run into some science-bashing in this course, because for some reason that I don't understand, scientists are not very well respected by arts people. I had no idea. (No, I'm not being sarcastic.) Although the source of the antagonism isn't quite clear to me, it seems that part of the problem is that scientists think that everything is so cut-and-dried, direct, and linear.

My only response to that is, um, it's not?

Now that's not at all fair, because I know full well that people are absolutely not cut and dried (because then they would be desiccated and would have a hard time interacting with each other) and many situations that occur outside of science are not direct or linear, and science isn't concerned so much with people and their feelings....okay, not even the psychologists who think they're scientists doing all those tests, and I know BF2 that you will argue this but really? putting someone into an MRI and looking at their brains is fine. Looks like science to me, because the person isn't talking or doing anything, just lying there. Counting birds and figuring out their mating habits? borderline. Investigating learning methods and reporting on the two main theories about learning? not science, but interesting.

I digress. In fact, I wander all over the place like a drunken sailor.

Our newest assignment in our theory course, is aimed at forcing us to question what we read. The background starts out with describing two main schools of thought about learning strategies: The Common Sense Theory and the Dialectical/Dialogical theory. You can bet that the common sense theory is the one that is espoused and embraced (maybe the other way around, embracing first then espousing later, prior to the birth of little common sense babies.) by SCIENTISTS. It is in fact, not only embraced and espoused but also championed and popularized by science. It is the learning practice that has a teacher who is the master, and students who are subordinates...the master disseminates information in neat little packets, and the lowly students soak it up and then regurgitate it.

I'm exaggerating, a little bit. Mainly though, it is clear that my instructor is not fond of this method of teaching and learning, and in fact claims to "not buy into it".

Part of the problem, and I realize this, is that only a certain small percentage of the population are people who practice science. At the same time, science is always in the news, scientists are popularized, girls are pushed into science because there aren't enough of them in it, science science science. There may be a bit of a backlash here then, in saying that you can't just stand at the front of the room and relate information to people, because they don't learn that way. The reason for saying this is that most people don't learn that way. That's fine, most people don't need to learn that way. I know that there are studies that say that even scientists don't learn well that way...but my experience? is that they do.

I ask you though, and I'm quite serious about this, but how the hell else are you supposed to teach science? I'm the professor, and I know the subject. The people in my class are mostly going to be scientists of one form or another, and they want me to stand at the front of the room and give them information that they can assimilate into their own knowledge base. Grad courses aren't any different from undergraduate courses, although you might do more of the learning on your own. The difference is that instead of the person at the front of the room being the expert (or "master") it's the person who wrote the papers or the book or did the research and presented it at the conference. (with a beer in their hand)

It's not like we can have a nice fuzzy discussion about crystal field theory and high-spin/low-spin complexes. It's not up for opinion, it occurs and there are ways of explaining it and ways of observing its results. It's not a matter of interpreting how the orbitals feel that day and whether or not their in the mood for splitting (although we certainly anthropomorphize our molecules and theories) or in fact, anyone's response to the splitting. Does it make you a bit uneasy, this whole notion of orbital splitting? does it make you dream of greener pastures?

The dialectical theories don't promote the idea that knowledge is amassed incrementally, and rather, promote the idea that knowledge must be approached en masse. In other words, it doesn't matter whether you understand paradigm #1, because now we will move to paradigm #2 and you can go back to #1 after you've had some time to mull it around for a while, and in the meantime we'll skip along to #5 and then #4 etc etc. I see the value in this approach, but not for science. I can see how teaching science this way would make science students insane, resulting in widespread revolts and anarchy until order is restored.

While I respect both approaches for their different audiences, I don't like that I'm feeling defensive even before I read through half of our second assignment. I don't need to hold onto this feeling, because the argument between common sense and dialectical theories is not the point of the exercise (which is one which I will greatly enjoy, I admit) but I do feel like writing to the professor and asking her to tone down the science-slag and maybe just because you don't "buy into" a particular methodology, that it still has its value for its audience. As a non-scientist, she doesn't get science, and seems to feel safe enough in this course to say that scientists are icky. (my interpretation. She didn't say that.)

Hub told me a joke. Here it is, or my version of it, with footnotes:

A biologist, a chemist and an engineer were asked by a mathematician to prove that all odd numbers are prime numbers. (Okay, geeks...I know, not all odd numbers are prime numbers.) So the biologist says, "Well, one is prime, three is prime, five is prime...that's enough. All odd numbers are prime numbers.* The chemist looks at the biologist askew, and says, "Well, one is prime, three is prime, five is prime, seven is prime, nine is not prime, but 11 is, and 13 is prime...Therefore, all odd numbers are prime numbers, and nine is just an outlier."** The engineer just says, "one is prime, three is prime, five is prime, seven is prime, nine is prime, eleven is prime, thirteen is prime, fifteen is prime, seventeen is prime..."***


*Signifying that biologists are the least rigorous scientists. In the scientific genealogical scale, they are at the bottom, especially the fish-counters.These notes are for the non-scientists among my small number of readers, by the way. I'm not trying to be condescending, and I didn't make up that "science scale". From the bottom up: biologists, biochemists, chemists, physicists, mathematicians. There are certainly sub-classes within each: for example, a fish-counter ranks below a molecular biologist, who in some cases might outrank a biochemist. Personally, I am way too dumb to be a physicist. Note that engineers are not included, because ... well, let's finish the joke and you'll see.

**Haha! those wacky analytical chemists! always quoting stats.

***See? engineers are not scientists. They are gods. They just have to say something, and it is so.

Well, that's enough of that, and I'll leave you with a picture, or actually, a cropped out part of a picture. My grandma made this dress over 55 years ago for my mother...you've seen it lying in a tub, now you see it on me (or at least, part of it):

Busy, busy day

I was all over the place at work today. I learned to do the cryofills for the NMR superconducting magnets, a job that requires some dexterity and hands of steel if you don’t wear gloves. The man who trained me how to do this didn’t wear gloves, and he never does, and he’s one of the safety officers in the department. Do what I do, not as I say. Cryofills aren’t a big deal, and I’ve certainly handled lots of liquid nitrogen before, but the ladder-climbing and the burning cold and the mild danger of the job make it more interesting that your everyday ordinary cryo maneuver.

After that I trained someone how to use our “starter magnet”, someone who is a former graduate student in our department but who doesn’t know the new software. She also doesn’t understand why we have so many safety rules now, and she made as many attempts as anyone could to find out if she could get around them. The answer to all of her questions was no, but after a while even I can get worn down by a fast-talking postdoc and I think I might have caved on one small thing. I made up for it by being militant about something else so it balanced out.

Then it was down to the X-ray lab for a bit to chat with the boss and take a look at the sample I had on the diffractometer, which turned out to be what it was supposed to be. Woohoo. Not quite finished collecting data so I went and ate some fruit and salad in the hope that the sudden appearance of the “summer belly” … you know, the one you get from sitting around drinking too many wine spritzers and eating chips and ice cream and not gardening enough or riding the bike enough or doing enough situps (gawd how I loathe situps, they are so stupid), that one? well, I’m hoping that its disappearance will be as sudden as its appearance, because I am just not prepared to be middle-aged with its accompanying spread, thank you.

Okay, back to the day. More training, but this time with two new graduate students. One was great, one was agh, from the U of T and wearing his attitude plastered all over himself. Darling, until you’re doing my job, don’t ask dopey questions. If you don’t exactly know how the NMR experiment works, this is not my fault. You’re the one who went to U of T, didn’t anyone teach you how NMR works there, at that fine, fine institution?

Later, one of my colleagues commented that we’d better get Mr. U of T his login info as soon as possible so that we’re not standing in the way of his pending Nobel prize. I want a share in that million, buddy.

It’s a tough go, working in two facilities. No matter where I am, I feel like I should be somewhere else. It argues against my philosophy of being in the moment, existing fully within every experience lest I lose my concentration and perhaps get hit by a blast of liquid nitrogen. Not that I’m constantly threatened by liquefied gases or X-ray beams, or crazy egotistical students (the U of T man wasn’t my only experience today) who are, by the way, legion this term, but you never know what can happen to you if your mind is wandering.

On the bright side, I got news from FFS that he received an unexpected but very welcome award yesterday from his current department. It’s great to be reminded that you’ve done something right in trying to convince someone to do research, especially when you know full well that they’re suited to it.

Wednesday, Humpday Miscellany

I'm Busier than You Are

Yesterday, talking to one of the faculty members, we were discussing when we could next meet up and without realizing it, entered into a contest of Who is Busiest.

"Well, tomorrow I have to attend all of the first year classes..."
"All of them? For the full 55 minutes?"
"No, just to introduce myself. We're all doing it so that the students know who the professors are for each section, so they know who is running the tutorials, that kind of thing. How did your kids like the first day of school?"
"They loved it. I loved that I only have one dropoff and pickup now."
"Yeah, that's tough. In January we'll have two dropoffs and pickups, and J works in Toronto and I'm here. At least in January I'm only teaching the lab course, not first year too."

I lost. I'm not as busy, even though my time is completely full. I didn't want to admit the new degree and the swimming lessons and music lessons and yoga and commuting and whatever the heck else I do. She won that one.

Packed Like Lemmings Into Shiny Metal Boxes...
participants in a suicidal race.

Commuting can be difficult, but ours is a pretty easy ride most of the time.

We commute to work and we listen to the radio in the morning, because Maureen Holloway is very funny and we can listen to the station out of Toronto that hosts her when she isn't talking to the rest of the country. Sometimes the radio is too boring though, so we listen to music. Lately it's been a mix of Foo Fighters (Echoes Silence Patience and Grace), the Police (mixed cd) and most recently, The Talking Heads. I love that band. They are long broken up, and I hope they never get back together and do anything stupid like a reunion tour. I hate reunion tours, they're so pathetic.

It's Still Summer

I already discussed this. Hurricanes are supposed to wander up our way over the weekend, but by the time they get here they'll just be big rainstorms. I suppose that rather than cooler weather, hurricanes are a better sign that fall is upon us. Curses. I thought I still had a few weeks to be self-righteous.

Separated at Birth

And now...for your viewing enjoyment....

Me:



and Mrs. Incredible (she's a bit blurry because I expanded her):

as promised

a few pictures....

First, I had to wash the dress about ten times, by hand and in the machine on the hand wash cycle.



It's pretty, no? although it's a bit weird that it's all floaty in the water like that. The dress itself had an odour of old smoke and ancient dressers, and it had been in a box in my basement for two years (longer, actually, but this basement, two years.) It was yellow all over and I didn't think I'd get it cleaned out. I did.

There's a tear on the left hand side, where it's possible that someone wanted to let the dress out a little bit. I sewed up the side seam, and the waist gathering and solved the problem of the rent in the gown.

The dress fits and isn't too long. It's pinkish which is not really a good colour for me, but it's so well-made that the colour is forgiveable. Grandma made this dress, about 55 years ago for my mum, for a piano recital.

I'm too tired to keep writing this tonight, but isn't that a pretty dress?

It's not over until...

Summer. Everyone says that summer is over when school starts, and it starts tomorrow. Does summer end tomorrow? No, in fact we're about to get the best stretch of weather we've had in the last couple of months, over the next week. The weather doesn't suddenly change because school starts. The days are shorter than they were in June, certainly. The evenings are cool, but they've been cool since school let out in June.

Summer ends at the fall equinox.

We had the party and it went well. Lots of people came, we had our marriage blessed, there was food, drink, and a gorgeous day. I have one picture, it's not great, but until I get more I won't post anything. I wore a 55 year-old dress. Hub wore a new jacket and shirt ... he wore pants too, but they weren't new. We didn't make speeches, although that was probably expected. There were a lot of children. Both yards got used, although Zio's yard next door was probably more used because he had the bar tent. I couldn't believe that the weather was so perfect; there's been a lot of rain this summer.

It was good to have a party that wasn't a wake. I know I've said that a lot over the past month, but it needed to be said. We're all holding our breath, waiting for the next shoe to drop so to speak, and thus far it hasn't. Hub talked to his cousin last night, and his wife is still with us and out of ICU, but the prognosis hasn't changed.

One thing I hate about September is that people say to Hub and I, "Oh, you must be going back to work too..." as if we had the summer off, like regular teachers. We don't. I don't get any holidays because I'm a casual employee at QuitelargeU, and Hub is staff, so he gets three weeks of holidays. Faculty get four weeks. It's not very much time, and it certainly isn't four months. There are four months where the place isn't overrun by undergrads, but that doesn't change our jobs at all. Even when I was faculty, all that "summer" meant was that I didn't have to teach, and I could do my own work.

Tomorrow I go back to school too. I tried to be sort of keen and I read one of the books for the course, a to-the-point treatise on literary theory by Bonnycastle, who's an English prof (nearing the end of his career I suspect, although we don't have mandatory retirement any more so he can hang out as long as he likes, I would think) at RMC. It's straightforward, easy to read, and I felt as though very little of it was completely beyond my grasp, although there were some finer points that seemed very similar to other points. The thing about literary theory? is it remains theory. You can't prove that your attempt to understand literature is better than my attempt. Rather than "theory" then, the word "criticism" is used, even though "critiquing" isn't always the goal so much as coming to an understanding of the work at hand.

I've got a few chapters left, but they're short so I could finish that book tonight if I tried. There's another book I'll have to start reading soon, and right now I can't remember the title of it but it's about the fact that many of our social theories (that word...) and constructs were established in the Middle Ages. That text is apparently also a pretty easy read, so I don't foresee problems except for the possible boredom factor.

Sadly, the third text was written by one of the directors of the course, and I know that I will have issues with it. It's a text about adult education, and while I have been involved in adult ed for a large portion of my career, I have stayed away from theoretical discourse regarding its administration. I think you teach people. You go into a classroom with a notion of what you have to teach, you get to know the people in the course as quickly as possible, understand their backgrounds and expectations, and then you teach. Them. Next time you teach the same course, you teach it differently because there is a new group of students. I tend to lecture because that's what science students want, it's what they respond to, and it's the way they feel most comfortable. Very few of them are true extroverts, and very few of them want to talk in class or give an opinion until they know everyone around them and they know the prof. The small amoutn of this particular textbook that I've read has been wordy: it wanders around a point instead of getting to it, the author uses too many words to express very simple concepts. Why use one word when ten will do so much better? Because after word three, I don't care any more.

I hope I'm being pessimistic and that the last book turns out to be fantastic. I hope I'm terribly, terribly wrong about my foreboding and that I love every aspect of this course. Guess I'll find out tomorrow.