Today I had three conversations simultaneously, with three different men, due to the wonders of gmail chat and the fact that I share an office with a man. BF2, FFS and I were chatting, and D- and I share an office. I'm using parts of the conversations without permission, but since 2/3 men mentioned in this post read here, if they don't like the post they can let me know and I'll remove what they've said (they might notice that what they've said has been edited anyway) and then the post will be weird and disjointed. Not that it isn't already slightly weird and disjointed....
me and BF2:
BF2: hmm, well, i do try to pretend to understand things at times. it's more fun than completely zoning out and thinking about dinner. no wait, it's definitely not.
1:57 PM me: or shoes.
i would think about shoes.
you know, i never used to care about shoes all that much.
i'm older now.
i love them.
BF2: have you worn the new ones, or just thought about them
1:58 PM also, about shoes, can you break down the totality of the experience.
(BF2 is a cognitive scientist who hadn't eaten enough breakfast)
(me to FFS, while I'm rummaging around in my desk, looking for a tampon. Preferably one the size of a bichon frise. Sorry guys. FFS had just seen a visiting speaker, someone with whom I used to collaborate.)
FFS: I agree. I was so happy to see my work up there again!
1:53 PM Why is he moving to another university?
me: because he hates the one he's at?
and his lovely wife hates the tiny university town that they currently live in?
FFS: Oh, sweet deal
1:54 PM me: and she would rather live in
(me to my office mate, D-):
me: hey D-, did you see that note from The Boss about the audit check on the software? (I am still rummaging in my desk for the elusive massive tampon. I know it's in there.) Did you know about that?
D-: No. I thought for sure that that was a $50K add-on that we'd have to get, so I was surprised to see that note. The previous versions of the software didn't have that, right?
(me to BF2):
1:59 PM me: can i break it down? how?
like, when i see them, if my heart sings, i get them?
that kind of totality? (good god man, get some food in you and quit talking nonsense.)
BF2: how much is it the sense of the look, of how they look. of the feel of wearing them. what is it?
(the tampon has now been located.)
2:01 PM me: the sense of the look, first. often i'm grazing around fluevog's website and i see something that just strikes me. it's more difficult with the shoes in person, honestly, because you see a billion pairs in the store and nothing sings.
then if i get to put them on, they fit. and an angelic chorus descends from the heavens, and breaks into a moving rendition of "Fame".
BF2: shoes for women seem to be designed in such a way as to almost project different manifestations of personality, to promote/highlight particular aspects.
(dear god in heaven man, don't you ever laugh?)
FFS: Shoes. I love shoes
me: yes, me too.
(see? it doesn't have to be a cross-examination of the phenomenological aspects of shoe purchasing and subsequent ownership.)
(me to D-):
me: No, I don't think the previous versions did it. Now though, you can type in "audit" and you can actually look at the file in Notepad, but if you edit it at all, the file won't open again and the audit is corrupted. (I slip the tampon, which is truly the size of a baby puppy, into my pocket. D- does not notice. He has never shared an office with a woman.) If this happens, then the file won't open any more and the data will either have to be recollected or re-edited. Cool eh? The file is all encoded, playing with it will result in bad things. Isn't that what the client wants to know?
D-: well, I think they wanted a list of everything that has ever happened to that data.
(D- is one straight-arrow kind of guy with a wicked sense of dry humour. Sadly, it was not in evidence today.)
me: well, that's what I've been saying. Whether it comes through as "You just screwed with that file, and I will now blast you with my hidden Nd-YAG laser, so duck," or "Audit not verified," same thing, right? I just don't describe it the same way you understand it.
(because I never do.)
me: i love to look at them. i often don't care if i own them.
the architecture of the shoe is a lovely thing. i can't wear high heels, so many of the beautiful ones are out of reach. i still love them.
2:08 PM BF2: okay. i was just thinking about expression, and clothing is absolutely expression (even "i don't care" is expression). and like art, appreciation of that expression does not require ownership. but that they have that potential makes them even more interesting.
(I have to admit that at this point I'm trying to make this conversation interesting to me. Luckily I'm conducting two others and attempting to get something out of my desk and into my pocket without waving it around and proclaiming aha! found you! before beginning my juggling act.)
me: no way. what kind?
FFS: These sweet adidas kicks
I have nice italian dress shoes too, and the nice ukrainian ones too
stylin' and profilin'
1:58 PM me: i have to get Hub to get some good dress shoes. his nephew is getting married at the end of may and i will (of course) be looking fantastic....he has a $2K suit, he needs shoes to style it up.
1:59 PM FFS: 2 k suit? Nice shit
I thought my Chaps 600 bones suit was rad
2:00 PM me: zenga suit.
2:01 PM FFS: nice. Remember, as always, you are allowed to spend money on me
me: right.
At this point, I decide that I don't want to talk to any of them any more, and break off the conversations with excuses that I need to get down to the X-ray room to meet with a student. This is true but really? I'd had enough. I love working with men, I love my men friends. Truly. My brain was exploding at this point, however, and in order to maintain my own sanity, I left them all behind. To meet with a man-student. The parade is never-ending.
No comments:
Post a Comment