Resistance is Futile

Within the next 24 hours or so, I will find out whether or not academic (albeit staff academic, not faculty) employment is in my future or not. On one hand, of course I'd like the job and its associated paycheque, and I'd like to be among the land of the living (read: thinking) again, and I'd like to take a research centre that desperately needs a facelift, and give it one. On the other hand, I like being at home and doing whatever I want to do, almost all of the time. There are other hands that are in between these two extremes, i.e. employment and non, but I'm only one person and two hands are all I have.

If I don't get the job, I need to evaluate my skills and see where they'd be best applied. So let's see...what am I good at?

1) I am excellent at assessing a situation, considering all opinions brought forth by other people, and coming to conclusions that are well thought-out, articulate and intriguing. Sadly, I am able to do these things after removing myself from the situation: replaying all of the conversations and nuances of body language, and synthesizing all the verbal and non-verbal information into a cohesive conclusion. It usually takes a good four or five hours for me to do this, and sometimes it takes a lot longer.

In other words, while I'm very good at observing and analyzing, I am terrible at thinking on my feet. I'm pretty good at thinking on my ass, which is handy if I only communicate with people via the written word.

This is a major contributor to the fact that I interview like a brick.

2) I am really excellent at telling people what to do, especially when I've got legislation or some other kind of regulation behind me. I have all the confidence in the world as long as I know that I'm right, and as long as I can back up my directives with rules made by other people, or even rules made by me. Unfortunately, learning the legislation and/or rules is mind-bogglingly boring. All the same, I can usually pick it up in one read-through; for example, I read the collective agreement at my former employer in one evening, and was able to pull some of the more obscure articles from it without hesitation during negotiation discussions.

3) I don't waste any time with small talk, so if I need something from you, I knock on your door and ask for it. I do this even if you've been away for three weeks on the vacation of a lifetime, and you want to tell me all about it but won't until I ask, which I won't, because I need to do what I need to do, and I need to do it now, but you have the only Philips screwdriver in the department, and after you give it to me and I finish my task, then I might ask you about your vacation if I don't have something else to do. In other words, smalltalk is on my terms and I'm usually too busy to bother with it. While this is a good trait for assembly-line work, it gets less useful as one climbs up the ladder, since managers tend to have far less to do than assembly-line workers. In the business world I'd be seen as a bit squirrelly, but in science I'm normal. I'm even outgoing.

4) I am fair, and I can't be bought. Or, well, I can, but I'm very expensive and not really worth it, so mostly I can't be bought. Need that analysis done yesterday? Very interesting. Maybe you should have brought me your sample yesterday.

5) I will tell you what I think, especially if you ask.

6) I am not ambitious, I will not steal your job out from under you or make myself look better than you so that I can get ahead. I work hard because I like to work hard, not to show anyone else up.

7) I'm pretty smart, and I learn new tasks fast. And then I make them better. I can improvise if I don't have the tools I need.

There are other things, but these are what came to me this morning as I was putting wood filler into the cracks of the bathroom door this morning, in preparation for painting the thing. I am ridiculously direct, forthright, and pushy, while at the same time appearing (in the physical sense) to be sweet and easily manipulated. I find that people are always looking for my "soft side" as though I'm faking all the rest, and really I'm just a sweet darling. Truly people, I'm not a sweet darling, and I really am pushy and direct and I'll do what I can to get what I want, short of lying or deceiving, because those are not available options in my repertoire of Things I'm Good At.

For three years I worked for a chemical company, and after the first three months it was the most stultifying job I have ever held. My brain was totally on hold as I tried to work past the sales people and the marketing nutjobs, and past my own boss who had an unhealthy obsession with me. Product development was an oxymoron, and research amounted to putting old products in new packages with an updated MSDS. I felt insecure and stupid all the time, because I couldn't get a handle on what was really going on at the company, and yet I was slated for a promotion out of technical development and into management before I left to go back to school. Insanity!

Soon though, as I said probably within the next 24hours, I'll learn my fate. Am I to return to the hallowed halls of doing whatever the hell I want for a paycheque, or will I remain a sahm and will we eat a whole lot of rice and beans while subsisting on one paycheque brought home by hub? Stay tuned.....

Update (14:07): The pfo letter was in my mailbox. C'est dommage.