Reading

I just finished Carol Shields' Unless, which is a book about a woman's first experience with grief and sadness. You'd jump to the conclusion that this arises from the death of someone close to her, but no, it's because her eldest, lovely daughter has taken up residence on the corner of Bathurst and Bloor, just across from Honest Ed's.

Imagine how you would feel. Would you abandon the child (Norah is 19) and wait for her to come to her senses? The family doesn't do that, and in not taking that approach, they each deal with Norah's choice as is necessary for them. The story focusses on the mother of course, and it's written from the first person. Shields' use of language, which is quite piercing, gets you to think beyond the words on the page.

I was sad when she died. An American, she married an engineering prof from the University of Manitoba and thus lived in Winnipeg for a while. She died in Vancouver, where they'd gone to retire, after a battle with breast cancer.

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I read a few infertility blogs and why I do this, I'm not sure. I got caught up in it one day, the science of infertility and the anger and frustration these women live with because they can't bear children of their own and want to so desperately. I can't relate to their feelings at all, and maybe that's why I'm fascinated with their experiences. Many of the blogs are very well-written and describe the procedures in excruciating detail, and when I'm reading I find these aspects quite compelling, which also might explain why I read. In the end though, I keep finding myself saying, "Why not let it go?" ....... but that's me. I always said that if kids weren't forthcoming in the natural way, then they weren't forthcoming, and that's it. I'm very much of the mind that "you get what you get" and if what you get is no kids, then that's what you have. You can mourn it, but we all need to move along. Let go of the need for children. It's a Buddhist approach, the release of attachment; we suffer because of our attachments. We prolong our suffering by clinging to what we think we need. Our minds play monkey games with us and make us hold onto things that cause our suffering, so that we begin to choose suffering over release.

The women aren't wrong for wanting children, I don't mean that. They're not wrong about anything that they're doing, it's got nothing to do with right and wrong. I'm just saying that for me it doesn't work, and that my own approach is to let go, whether it be a new car or a death in the family or my career or a baby. My child on a street corner would be more difficult, but even there one learns to let go of the suffering and still take care of the child; one is more help to others when the heart is focussed on them rather than oneself.

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The Manolo, who has written The Consolation of the Shoes, is working on his forthcoming autobiography. I haven't yet picked up The Consolation of the Shoes but I read The Manolo and his associated blogger posse regularly.

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If I ever become employed again, I will have to cut back on the blog-reading, or at least relegate it to a specific time of day. I really spend far too much time on the computer.