A Break in the Weather

It seems to me that lately I have had fewer than the usual number of intriguing ideas, flashes of brilliance or unusual thoughts. I generally have a running narrative going on in my head and sometimes it makes it to the keyboard, most of the time it doesn't. This could be due to my current state of mind-numbing unemployment, or it could just be that now that I'm getting used to the whole idea of not working, I'm not bothering with the thinking part of my day. Some people retreat from the world and stop normal daily hygiene practices. In my case it seems that my brain is taking a mini-vacation and has stopped brushing and flossing.
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Speaking of which, and who doesn't want to talk about dental maintenance....Fab Former Student was unsuccessful in his bid to enter dental school. Fab Girlfriend is also not in, and together they are having a hard time with this news. What seems most difficult to understand is the amount of preparation they put into their applications, the DAT (which isn't taken very seriously at most dental schools in Canada, but it's a hoop through which one jumps) and their interviews. And yet, they are watching some pretty doubtful characters gain entrance to said school, while they are left in the wake. It's not a good place to be, left behind, especially when you think that you really should be in the program.

Big One asked me what I was doing earlier. "I'm writing a note to FFS because he and FG didn't get into Dental School and they're very sad about that."

She looked at me seriously, as one with seven years of hard living under her belt can do, and said, "Couldn't they open the door?"
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I have been thinking about what I'm going to do with The Darlings once school is out. I've applied for a job that I really want, but it doesn't close until August and quite frankly, I'm going to wait that out. Somehow then, I have to develop an affinity for play.

This is no mean feat, because as my children will readily tell you, "Mumma doesn't play. Mumma works," which isn't quite true, but mostly so. I don't play. They convinced me to play Snakes and Ladders with them on Sunday, and it was not a pretty sight. I argue. I don't let them win. I just want it to end. I don't know why this is, and it probably sounds very curmudgeonly of me, but play makes me grumpy. I don't mind the wrestle-fights, and I like to ride bikes and play sports, but just regular play, where we sit around and do imaginary stuff or where we don't really compete? Not for me.

Or at least, not for me with other people. I've got a vivid imagination and I like to wander around in it, but I don't want to act any of it out.
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BF2's stuff is leaving London soon and moving across the ocean. He's heading to Istanbul for a break before joining his stuff over here in North America, and then it's back to work in a new office for the same company. Different work apparently. Let's hope.
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This has turned into a mishmash of thoughts, and it wasn't really supposed to be, although I think it's related to the opening paragraph and my recent lack of focus. I have had quite a few "things to do", and that is possibly contributing to my problem. Tomorrow for example, is busy with a list of disparate things to do. I am not taking the time to think, I am doing things that take very little brain power. It's possible that this is another manifestation of the very mild depression that can accompany unemployment, and it's possible that I'm trying to figure out where I belong in a world where I don't work ... at least not right now ... I make lists in my head as usual, but I don't carry out any of the things on the list. I either forget the items or I just don't bother doing anything at all. It's annoying me. It's a stage. I am sure that it won't last, but sometimes I get a bit worried that it will, that I'll just descend into idle chitchat and never bother thinking beyond my own face. I was able to reassure myself last week however, when I went to a nearby university to tour their X-ray diffraction facilities and to request some training.

In other words, I can still talk the talk. So if I can do it, maybe I should.