New Year

Oooh boy, a new year to look at. It started yesterday and began with my resignation from my job. Until last night, I was an associate professor of chemistry at a small undergraduate university ("college" to Americans, but college is something different here) and this morning, I'm a part-time teacher at a larger university but that's about it. Granted, I'm applying for another job, but having a title and then not having it anymore is a bit ..... well, disconcerting I guess. I suppose that many people would say, "It doesn't matter what your title is, you're still the same person," or, "Titles are overrated. They're just given out to provide people with a sense of self-importance." And sure, that might be true, but I am absolutely positive that I don't care what other people think about what the title meant to me. It didn't define me, it was just a nice thing to have. It's always a bit sad to lose things that you like, even if you give them up voluntarily.

Perhaps you are saying, "Wait a minute! Associate professor?? You had tenure? You gave that up?" and uh, yeah. Small schools are a lot of hard work. I hated the city we lived in for eight years, even though we had the perfect house with the exact giant kitchen I always wanted and some good friends and yes, I had tenure which means that in order to get fired, ever, I have to fuck up so badly that there's no way to save me. I had that, yes, but when you get off the plane to come home to a place you don't like, even though you have the cutest, sweetest kids ever and I'm not kidding, my kids are quite amazing even to a cynic like me, and you have a great home life and you love your work and all of that, when you get to the doors of the airport it's all you can do to actually go through those doors rather than turn around and get back on another plane...well, then you know you don't like where you live. And after eight years? I'd say I "gave it a chance", so it's not like I didn't try. It wasn't the first place I'd ever moved to, I've moved quite a bit within the country, but this place just didn't work for me.

There were things I liked. The South American guy who buys and roasts his own coffee has some fantastic stuff and it spoiled me (but I've found somewhere here that does a comparable job); the city was small enough that getting from place to place wasn't usually a hassle; it was beautiful to look at, and in fact the entire province is quite lovely, there's tons of history and lots of outdoors stuff to do. On the other hand, while the people are friendly enough, making friends and "getting in" was near to impossible. We're not unfriendly people, but it took forever to meet anyone, and if we invited people over, they'd come but we'd not get a return invite, even out of politeness. I know we're not unpleasant or boring or smelly. Once we did make some friends it was easier, but it took years. What drove me nuts the most was the politics, the gladhanding, the "who you know not what you know" that is so prevalent; while many people would say Oh that happens everywhere (and they'd be right) it's not an actual lifestyle everywhere. It is completely accepted that you're not going to get a job unless you can name-drop, unless you know or are related to someone of importance, or unless you have made some kind of a name for yourself in another way.

There were other things, but the main thing was that hub got a new job here in this province, and since we wanted to move here anyway, both having lived here before, we did that. Of course, we waited because I wasn't just ging to run off and leave my ridiculously high-paying job (oh I jest) and its security without knowing that this would work out.

It's worked out. I couldn't go back if I tried, so last night I resigned. I had to tell the university my plans as of January 1, and so I waited until 11:30p.m. on January 1 and then I told them.

Today is my stepfather's birthday. He passed away one year ago as of the end of this month, close to BestFriend2's birthday. BF2's father passed away on my birthday 1.5years ago.

Last year alone with the kids and the ridiculously demanding job was quite difficult. I generally don't think about it, there's not much point in doing so. I don't recommend it unless you like a lot of relentless stress.

I tend not to look too far into the future. I don't make five year plans, I barely plan for tomorrow never mind my retirement. There are some things that require some planning, but otherwise the rest is "you get what you get". In fact, most of life is this way.