Rant rant

I should be grateful that Moderately Large University has offered me a job. I should be thrilled to take their money in exchange for the most fun job in the world, ever.

And yet, I feel trapped. It's as though we've gone from that easy-breezy sort of relationship where we're close and maybe there's a future but nobody ever talks about it...you know, like living together, to full-on married. Suddenly I have a commitment, I have to tell where I am all the time, I have to make sure I put my hours in, and damnit all to hell I used a week of vacation when I went to Cuba. Did I know I was using a week of vacation? Shouldn't I have been aware of that? Sure, except that I wasn't clear enough about the "I'm not here don't pay me" part of the instruction. So they paid me. So I took five days out of my precious 15 days.

This is bugging the hell out of me. I am squeamish about this new arrangement, one where we're tied together and I can't just sneak off for a day or two without checking in with the powers that be. Instead of having control over my time, I have to report my time. I take a day off, I lose one of those vacation days.

I realize that most people operate this way, but for the last 12 years I haven't had to tell anyone how I was spending my time, because most of the time I was working like a dog. I still work a lot (hello? fatigue? you can suck it.) but now I don't have autonomy. I'm not the independent entity I was before.

I liked it better when I wasn't reporting to anyone. Staying home doesn't pay as well as working though, so hi ho hi ho....and get used to it and quit complaining already. I get it. I have a job that I love, I'm lucky. Trapped and lucky.