Without Words

Darlings, there is much going on, and yet I can't seem to find all the words to talk about it. I am still working, and while I am having some fun with the boyz, it is a difficult adjustment. I mean really, I have to be places at times and I have to do things for other people. I suppose that the money aspect of it all should mean something to me, but the only thing it has meant so far is this:



and while that is a lovely shoe (Fluevog: Teapots Darjeeling in olive green) and I cannot wait until it (the pair actually. I am not a monoped) arrives, it doesn't really sum up the entire impact of my workaday life. Work is all around me nowadays, and while this used to be a completely normal state for me, I had let it go. No more the 20-hour days of chemistry, whether reading, doing, thinking about doing, telling other people to do........no more of that.

Here I am again then, leaving for work at 06:30, racing back home to pick up children from care by other people, racing to put dinner out and then to head out the door again to lead my other life of volunteer and organizer and knitter and yoga student. During the day I think think think, and learn new things about how one maintains an NMR spectrometer, and about how you can model disordered solvent .... depends on which day it is and which lab I'm working in. One day big magnets, the next day X-radiation. Need to deduce the structure of a molecule? I can do it.

I possess rather obscure talents that (by my best estimate) fewer than 0.001% of the population have, and probably only about 0.01% of the population can talk about with any certitude. I'm not sure if this makes me very special or very freakish, which therefore makes me special but not in a good way. I hang out with guys ... and let's face it, it's mostly guys, oh all right, men, and in fact right now there's only one other woman on staff... anyway, these guys who are super-geeks, and I like them. I even married one of them. I like them because I'm one with them.

I will try to drop the italics now.

When I'm not at work or doing work at home, I'm marvelling at how the house has descended to a level of slovenliness that is beyond even my tolerance. I marvel at it, but I don't necessarily do much about it.

I have been battling raging headaches, which some of my colleagues indicate are probably migraines, but I refuse to adopt that moniker because I don't suffer enough to admit that I might have migraines. I don't get terribly nauseous (just a little bit) and I don't lose my vision and the lights don't bother me one way or the other, and I am completely functional, it just feels like my head is being drilled. I suspect that if I didn't have such an aversion to drugs that I wouldn't suffer much...when I was in Winnipeg a little while ago my sister gave me an aspirin and I felt much better. Aspirin are good! especially when Tylenol makes me mental and ibuprophen doesn't do much for headaches.

I digress from my original point here, which is that I don't have enough words to describe what's going on with me. Seems to me that I've used up a few words here, wouldn't you say? I've not even scratched the surface of what I want to say, but before I started writing this I was tired and now I'm tireder so I quit, I'll go to bed and hope that I find the time and the brainwaves to write a coherent post about the confusion and difficulty of a major life change.

In the meantime, admire those shoes.