Professor Nomore

So I'm jobless. Another candidate was offered the position and has accepted it. I don't know who the person is or their background, and in fact I don't know anything about them. It could be anyone, someone who wanted to come home from the U.S. maybe. I will always have to compete with grad students from my PhD supervisor's lab, and from another lab in Calgary. I always knew that I wasn't the only person in the world that could do the job, even if several people told me that. I've had a number of comments along the lines of "they've made a very grave error" but there's no telling what they've done, until I know who they've chosen that wasn't me. The only question I have is in regard to the CFI application, because it's pretty clear that the particular grant they're after is for established researchers who have moved to a new department and need a particular piece of equipment that the department doesn't have. The established part is that which is important there, and one of the criteria that CFI lists is number of publications...now granted a new PhD could have as many as 10 papers, but I have over 50. It will just be interesting to see who it is. Hub says that if they strayed too far from the ad that I should talk to our lawyer, but I don't know if I could do anything like that. Well, I could certainly talk to the lawyer but I don't know if I would take it any further than that.

I found out about my pending unemployment on Tuesday, and while I needed to know something, I was still so shocked at not getting an offer....it was like having the wind knocked out of me and like I couldn't feel anything at the same time. I was certainly deeply upset, and I still am, although as of today (Thursday) it's not so much that I don't have that job, but that I don't have any job. I don't know what I am if I'm not a chemistry professor. I think I've written about this; I will have to figure out what I am, if not an academic. There are no jobs available right now within driving distance, even if there are five universities within driving distance. I could teach part-time at any of them (except the one at which I applied for a job, because that would be embarrassing) but that's not really what I want to do. I like teaching, but I don't like teaching exclusively.

Another twist of the knife is having to turn down my NSERC grant. Who the hell turns down research money? Oh, yeah, people who don't have a job.

My former employer is about to advertise my former job also. They weren't going to, because they would have had a UFA to replace me (University Faculty Award, for women or aboriginals) but the woman they chose was not successful in this regard. I can't face the commute back and forth between the east coast and "central" Canada, so I wouldn't consider going back there. Former Student says that the department there is hollow and mean now too; things have changed and not for the better.

A lot of things are going through my head, but for now I'm going to paint the bathroom and Little One's room, and rearrange the kitchen. And maybe dig up the back yard and build a new shed. And search Workopolis.com and Monster.ca for every job that might be marginally appealing, and look for courses to take that might make me employable.